I am not going to write a nice story today, but rather posing a question which is so relevant for our times. I am surprised (more disappointed) why this has not been the topic in the last decades, not even in the recent years. I have limited readers and therefore, I don't know how far my arguments can reach and help people to analyze my arguments themselves. Despite these doubts, somewhere deep inside me, I have a strong belief that it's worth trying. I am not going to be philosophical today rather realistic and therefore, I have to take some real life examples. I need to be simple in framing things.
This piece of writing is about how we, the parents, raise our children.
I often pose a question to myself and to many people around me. "Why do you want to have a child?"
I got several replies and the majority of them either replied "because everyone has a child. its a kind of thing you should do."OR"they are cute".
My mother once said "you re-live your childhood when you have a child." That made much sense to me. But I wonder why a boy or a girl, who doesn't explore his/her own life at the age of 28 years or so, want to re-live their childhood. Anyway its a personal question and certainly not my topic today.
It is quite obvious that no matter why we want to have a child or children in lives, they are very big responsibilities. It is also obvious that the parents, irrespective of their education, social or financial status, they do take care of their children in the best possible way. I have no doubts about this. But probably the best they know is not the best at all.
Why do I say that?
In order to setup a frame for this question, let me take you an era when I was 10 years old. It was in mid 1990s. My parents sent me to learn Karate. I really enjoyed it and, like every other kid, I used to try it at home, of course without being physical to anyone at home. I used to hit walls with my hands. After few months, my parents got really annoyed with this and stopped me sending there. I was sad.
I was very good at cricket too. My parents started sending me to learn professional cricket. Then I got into class IX. I still remember that "so-called Gupta ji" visited us and advised my parents "Mr. Vijay, your son is in class IX. Next four years are going to be crucial for him. He should focus more on studies. Cricket, as you know, is a competitive game and by no chance, our kids from the small town, can make it to Indian Cricket Team." Was that all about getting into Indian Cricket Team ? Wasn't it enough that I enjoyed playing it.
My parents just moved with his arguments. I was stopped again. No matter what I liked, I ended up preparing for competitive engineering exams, getting into an engineering college and finally getting a degree."
This story is not just mine but this belongs to many of us. But why do we share this story? You know India produces more than 1 million (10 lakhs) engineers every year. Are we all meant to become an engineer ? Certainly not, but who to blame. Of course we should blame our education system to a great extent. Our education system sees all of us through one set of glasses and the glasses are called "Examination system". The system thinks that if you score good in mathematics, you are good in mathematics. The marking system is the most driving factor for setting our career objectives too. For instance, if I score good at physics and mathematics, I would most likely become an engineer. What we don't understand that the examination system is like a set framework. Those who understand it better, score the most. What we also don't understand that the marking system doesn't necessarily indicate the knowledge you have about the subject.
You might wonder if its because of poor education why would we care ? We can't change the system and it happens to everyone. We are not alone. You are right. But think about it, it's about your child. You created that life. It can't be limited to your pleasure. You have a big responsibility to make that life at least a bit better than yours. You can't just make an excuse if you don't try to make it better. However, it's certainly not a missed opportunity. The world is changing. India is changing. Probably you know its changing but don't see it. Probably you don't want to see the change because this will take your comfort.
I am going to ask several questions and put my arguments why you should wake up?
- Why do you still think that engineering, medical, law and commerce (CA) are the only few options for your child and if your child doesn't pursue one of them, he/she won't succeed and be happy in life. Remember I met many software engineers, doctors and chartered accountants, they are not the happiest people in the world :o
- Can't you see that there are 47 games played in Olympics (https://www.olympic.org/sports) and India's participation is well known :-( There is a need of sportsperson, trainers, nutritionist etc. Think about it. Remember Cricket is not the only sport in India.
- You know Indians are one of the unhealthy people in the world. We love watching sports but hardly play anyone of them. Why don't you motivate your child to play outdoors as much as she wants. Maybe she likes one of the sports and you should be more than happy to send your child for professional training.
- We all are fans of Bollywood films, daily soaps on hundreds of Indian TV channels, Youtube channels. Have you ever thought that someone writes the scripts, someone creates the music, someone directs, someone acts and so on. There is a high need of writers, actors, directors, editors etc in Indian media. Why not encouraging your child to learn one of the skills?
- We Indians love celebration. Our weddings are getting bigger. We even celebrate birthday parties, marriage anniversaries on large scale. Although I don't like to do these celebrations. It's a waste of money. It's a showoff. Anyway its a part of our culture. So why not encouraging your child to learn event management? There is an industry right there.
- The domestic tourism in India is increasing. Why not learning tourism management and make the industry better.
There are millions of options out there. I listed few of them. You just have to wake up, widen your eyes and stop following a crowd.
What I really suggest you to make these options accessible to your child. Encourage them to learn about these diverse fields. Discuss with them about what do they want. Do they want to learn a musical instrument or to play a sport ? It might happen that you child gets bored within a couple of weeks. Discuss with him why doesn't he like it anymore. Expose him to other options. Its kind of hit and trial method. Once he finds something interesting and pursues anything for 6-9 months continuously. Its the time where you should encourage your child to excel. Help him to find better coaching. Go out of the way because you care. This will motivate your child to further his knowledge.
To cut the long story short, don't think if you are sending your child to the best school of the city, then the job is done. Don't think if you send your child to sports coaching or music classes, then the job is done. You should engage your child in a continuous discussion to figure out what he thinks, what he wants. Take him to the experts of the field your child is pursuing. Relate some inspiring stories. For instance, if your child is playing hockey, it's worth discussing Dhyanchand and his era.
PS- If you can't do much. Just give two habits to your child. Reading books (anyone) and Playing outdoor sports (anyone). Believe me, these will change his life.
This piece of writing is about how we, the parents, raise our children.
I often pose a question to myself and to many people around me. "Why do you want to have a child?"
I got several replies and the majority of them either replied "because everyone has a child. its a kind of thing you should do."OR"they are cute".
My mother once said "you re-live your childhood when you have a child." That made much sense to me. But I wonder why a boy or a girl, who doesn't explore his/her own life at the age of 28 years or so, want to re-live their childhood. Anyway its a personal question and certainly not my topic today.
It is quite obvious that no matter why we want to have a child or children in lives, they are very big responsibilities. It is also obvious that the parents, irrespective of their education, social or financial status, they do take care of their children in the best possible way. I have no doubts about this. But probably the best they know is not the best at all.
Why do I say that?
In order to setup a frame for this question, let me take you an era when I was 10 years old. It was in mid 1990s. My parents sent me to learn Karate. I really enjoyed it and, like every other kid, I used to try it at home, of course without being physical to anyone at home. I used to hit walls with my hands. After few months, my parents got really annoyed with this and stopped me sending there. I was sad.
I was very good at cricket too. My parents started sending me to learn professional cricket. Then I got into class IX. I still remember that "so-called Gupta ji" visited us and advised my parents "Mr. Vijay, your son is in class IX. Next four years are going to be crucial for him. He should focus more on studies. Cricket, as you know, is a competitive game and by no chance, our kids from the small town, can make it to Indian Cricket Team." Was that all about getting into Indian Cricket Team ? Wasn't it enough that I enjoyed playing it.
My parents just moved with his arguments. I was stopped again. No matter what I liked, I ended up preparing for competitive engineering exams, getting into an engineering college and finally getting a degree."
This story is not just mine but this belongs to many of us. But why do we share this story? You know India produces more than 1 million (10 lakhs) engineers every year. Are we all meant to become an engineer ? Certainly not, but who to blame. Of course we should blame our education system to a great extent. Our education system sees all of us through one set of glasses and the glasses are called "Examination system". The system thinks that if you score good in mathematics, you are good in mathematics. The marking system is the most driving factor for setting our career objectives too. For instance, if I score good at physics and mathematics, I would most likely become an engineer. What we don't understand that the examination system is like a set framework. Those who understand it better, score the most. What we also don't understand that the marking system doesn't necessarily indicate the knowledge you have about the subject.
You might wonder if its because of poor education why would we care ? We can't change the system and it happens to everyone. We are not alone. You are right. But think about it, it's about your child. You created that life. It can't be limited to your pleasure. You have a big responsibility to make that life at least a bit better than yours. You can't just make an excuse if you don't try to make it better. However, it's certainly not a missed opportunity. The world is changing. India is changing. Probably you know its changing but don't see it. Probably you don't want to see the change because this will take your comfort.
I am going to ask several questions and put my arguments why you should wake up?
- Why do you still think that engineering, medical, law and commerce (CA) are the only few options for your child and if your child doesn't pursue one of them, he/she won't succeed and be happy in life. Remember I met many software engineers, doctors and chartered accountants, they are not the happiest people in the world :o
- Can't you see that there are 47 games played in Olympics (https://www.olympic.org/sports) and India's participation is well known :-( There is a need of sportsperson, trainers, nutritionist etc. Think about it. Remember Cricket is not the only sport in India.
- You know Indians are one of the unhealthy people in the world. We love watching sports but hardly play anyone of them. Why don't you motivate your child to play outdoors as much as she wants. Maybe she likes one of the sports and you should be more than happy to send your child for professional training.
- We all are fans of Bollywood films, daily soaps on hundreds of Indian TV channels, Youtube channels. Have you ever thought that someone writes the scripts, someone creates the music, someone directs, someone acts and so on. There is a high need of writers, actors, directors, editors etc in Indian media. Why not encouraging your child to learn one of the skills?
- We Indians love celebration. Our weddings are getting bigger. We even celebrate birthday parties, marriage anniversaries on large scale. Although I don't like to do these celebrations. It's a waste of money. It's a showoff. Anyway its a part of our culture. So why not encouraging your child to learn event management? There is an industry right there.
- The domestic tourism in India is increasing. Why not learning tourism management and make the industry better.
There are millions of options out there. I listed few of them. You just have to wake up, widen your eyes and stop following a crowd.
What I really suggest you to make these options accessible to your child. Encourage them to learn about these diverse fields. Discuss with them about what do they want. Do they want to learn a musical instrument or to play a sport ? It might happen that you child gets bored within a couple of weeks. Discuss with him why doesn't he like it anymore. Expose him to other options. Its kind of hit and trial method. Once he finds something interesting and pursues anything for 6-9 months continuously. Its the time where you should encourage your child to excel. Help him to find better coaching. Go out of the way because you care. This will motivate your child to further his knowledge.
To cut the long story short, don't think if you are sending your child to the best school of the city, then the job is done. Don't think if you send your child to sports coaching or music classes, then the job is done. You should engage your child in a continuous discussion to figure out what he thinks, what he wants. Take him to the experts of the field your child is pursuing. Relate some inspiring stories. For instance, if your child is playing hockey, it's worth discussing Dhyanchand and his era.
PS- If you can't do much. Just give two habits to your child. Reading books (anyone) and Playing outdoor sports (anyone). Believe me, these will change his life.
