Why "Karva-Chauth Fast" needs to be customized !

As many of the married couples know that "Karva-Chauth Fast" is fast-approaching. The Karva-Chauth will be celebrated on 19th of October this year.
Karva-Chauth is a one-day fast when women avoid Food and Water from sunrise to moonrise for the safety and long life for their husbands. However, they may inhale oxygen. Without an exception, I have seen ladies of my family keeping the fast on Karva-Chauth.
I inquired all the ladies of my family "Why do you keep the fast?" They echoed that it is the pleasure for women to sacrifice for their men. Though it hardly satisfied me but my further arguments were rejected.
Yesterday I was googling about the origin of Karva Chauth. As Google knows everything, it didn't disappoint me this time either.
Out of several speculations, one story made much more sense to me. Long time back, Indian soldiers were often defending their homeland from the foreign invaders. They were usually on wars leaving their wives and children behind. The women had several limitations that time. By keeping the fast suited their two purposes. They could socialize with other women in the community with a reason of sacrificing for their men. It was well accepted in the patriarchal society.

Why Karva-Chauth Fast needs to be customized now ?
Many of our traditions originated long time back based on the contemporaneous philosophies. In simple words, how people thought, their life styles and their surroundings. It's our responsibility not to forget our traditions because they make history and present united. However, as we humans evolve through education, life styles, technological advancements and surroundings, we must customize our traditions. Its kind of versioning of the traditions for 21st century yet keeping a historical flavour in it. I mean we do it anyway. Few thousands years ago, when Lord Rama returned to Ayodhya, people had welcome him by lighting diyas. Today the entire cities are decorated by Chinese lights, still we use diyas. They look beautiful.

Coming back to Karva-Chauth. I firmly believe that men should also keep the fast for their women. After all we want their safety and longevity too. What would we men do to have a long life if our women are not together with us.  Today many of us are not fighting for our country but only with our daily struggles. Today the women are working. They handle both their professional and household works. Their daily struggles are twofold. Still they are happy to keep the fast for their beloved husbands. May be, they are just following the long tradition and the feelings are not deeply routed. As I said women are working, they go out, make friends and hang out. They really don't need Karva-Chauth as a way of socializing. However, we cannot overlook the sacrifice.

We have two options for its customization.
Stop them keeping the fast. But if we stop our women to keep the fast on Karva-Chauth, we would somehow kill one of our traditions that teach us sacrifice for our beloved ones.
What about if men keep the fast for their women ! What about cooking food together on Karva-Chauth ! Karva-Chauth can be romantic. It can strengthen the bond of love if jointly participated by the couple.
I am keeping the fast for my wife as I have been doing since marriage. My father does it. My younger brother does it. Many people laughed and may continue to laugh at this idea. Let them laugh. They also laugh when the husbands sit on the rear seats of the scooter their wives are driving. Patriarchy. So keep the fast. It feels good.



 

Love in the Graveyard

The Spring just knocked the doors of German cities. Long-awaited Spring was welcomed by every single being. Fresh leaves erupted and flowers started to blossom. Beautiful shades of rainbow were quite often now. Animals and birds too came out of their cages. Long-term winter silence was broken by the birds' twitter. It seemed that they too couldn't hide their excitement. Human beings were a bit happier but for many different reasons. For instance, my German colleagues were happy that they could do more outdoor sports now. My wife was happy to get rid of heavy winter jacket. I was happy that I could ride my cycle again, especially on the way between home and office.   

I opted a route via forest this time. I could feel fresh air, green and dense vegetation, chirping noise of the birds. It was a sense of joy while going to office. On a very first day, I came across a graveyard on the route. I was overwhelmed by the beauty of the graveyard and honestly I was not that scared. If I recall my childhood memories, I have often believed that someone would come out of his graveyard and kill people. The credit goes entirely to those horror shows (AAHAT, THE ZEE HORROR SHOW) for this non-scientific belief. I was astonished to evident different sort of burial crosses (a sign of Jesus Christ or Christianity) beautifully carved with names of the person or family. Blossoming flowers on and around the graves, attractive crosses and beloved family members taking care of them seemed like its worth dying. Soon a couple sitting on a bench caught my attention but I ignored as I was heading to the office. 

In the next few days, I saw that couple quite often. They were always indulged in a deep talk probably cherishing their old memories. But I wondered why they had to come to the graveyard to spend time. I never saw them nearby any grave or even looking at any grave. They appeared to be isolated from the rest of the world. As I was always on my cycle I could only see a glimpse of them. Every single day I started to observe their exchanging emotions and build up my own story. I wanted to validate my build-up story but I couldn't get the courage to meet them in the graveyard. I was not sure whether I was allowed to enter as none of my relatives was buried there. Even if they allowed, what would I talk to them ? Do they speak English or do they understand my German ? It took me several days to get rid of such questions and finally got the courage to see the couple. 

It was 6 PM. There was hardly anyone there which made it easier for me to enter. I directly headed to them. 

"Good Evening, how are you ?" I broke their conversation. 

I was amazed by the way they dressed up. They looked charming together.

"Good Evening" They both greeted me back but looked puzzled. 

" Hi, Iiiii am Ssssssaurabh. I am doing my PhD in the University. Actually I take that front road between office and home. I saw both of you several times sitting on this bench and having a deep conversation. I was curious to know your story. Your unbreakable bond of love is an inspiration to all young folks who are often confused in finding their soul-mates. Even though they find life partners, the love seems temporary rather eternal like yours." I stammered in the beginning.

"Hold on, young boy ! You speak very fast. I am happy that you came here. Anyway I am Friedrich and she is my friend Jasmine. My wife died couple of weeks ago and her husband died too. I was very sad after her sudden demise. Therefore I planned to come here everyday and spend the entire day next to her grave. I was talking continuously to her grave every single day. One day I saw Jasmine. She was crying like a baby. I went to her and soon we became very good friends" Friedrich destroyed my built-up stories. 

"Okay, but I never saw you sitting next to the graves of your spouses. You always sit on this bench." I revealed my in-built curiousity. 

"Actually we have the same story. I met my wife when I was 19. In the last 40 years, we fell in love, got married and had three beautiful kids. Life was going very normal. I was in an executive position in Siemens and my wife was the professor in the university. The children were growing up. We were busy in our works. One day my wife had a car accident and died on the spot. I was shattered. I couldn't have a last word with her. There was a lot to say. These 40 years passed like a short summer which never came back." Friedrich broke into tears.        

Jasmine softly said "Friedrich !!" She patted his shoulder. They hugged each other. 

After a while Jasmine continued "I also met my husband nearly 40 years ago. He ended his life like a blink of an eye. He had a heart attack. I come here to apologize him that I never really showed my feelings to him. I love him but couldn't express it because life became an express train. We thought we would spend time after retirement. But he died at the age of 59. We all try to predict life which is highly uncertain but the certainty lies in the present moment. We take this fact for granted."

Friedrich added "Yes, I did the same mistake and never realized this. Now we sit together, cherish those memories and revive our love. Anyway, are you married ? "

I replied "Yes, I am."

Both resonated the same word "So now you know what you shouldn't do !" They blessed me

I thanked them and left. It was already 8 PM. I went to home and hugged my wife. I felt so fulfilled. 

I thought to wave them everytime I pass by the graveyard. 

I didn't see them the next day not even in the evening while returning home. This happened in the next days as well. They were not there anymore. I was worried. I went to the bench they used to sit. I sat on the bench. Suddenly my eyes fell on the grave right in front of me. "Jasmine Thoms (20-04-2016)" was carved on it. Before I could understand what I saw, I eyed on the adjacent grave. "Friedrich Thoms (23-04-2016)".  

I fell down on the bench. I recalled what Jasmine and Friedrich told me. They were actually a couple. Jasmine would have died in an accident and Friedrich couldn't handle her sudden demise and died too in a heart attack three days later. They cherished their memories here and intentionally imparted their life's biggest lesson on me. I was blessed to spend time with them and be aware of what is important in life.  

Why India* needs a "New Marriage" system !

A decade ago I sat for a selection process of Accenture as a Software Engineer Trainee. Accenture is a very well known software company that used to send its senior professionals to college campuses to directly recruit some young engineering graduates. After some of the initial scrutiny,  I was one of the 10 students who had been called for a Group Discussion. I had no clue what it would be like. My friend told me that I needed to shout, repeat things and dominate others to get through. I was nervous because of my poor English and fluent Delhiites in the group. 

The topic of the discussion was "Arrange Marriage vs Love Marriage" 

With my timorous voice I supported Love Marriage as many of us confidently validated my points. Many of them got through the selection process but finally ended up having an arrange marriage later in their lives. In contrast, I was not selected for Accenture but luckily got married to my friend.
In the last decade, I have traveled to many places, met lot of people from different societies, countries and religions. While discussing their relationships, I often used to compare how we arrange marriages back home.
I never liked the concept of "Arrange Marriages" despite the fact that most of my family (even my parents) and friends have done so.

1. The concept of Arrange Marriage - In Arrange Marriages, basically your family decides who to get married with your last yes/no based on 1-2 meetings without spending private time with your prospective partner. Things are mostly evaluated based on how good the girl looks (fairness counts the most) and how much the boy earns (the number of zeroes in salary). Some mediators are supposed to get a detailed historical background of the families before introducing them. Some inter-caste marriages, drinking and smoking habits, love affairs, social reputations in their respective castes, some past conspiracy and hidden stories (even without evidences) are properly observed by the mediators. These mediators sometimes may also act as stalkers by secretly visiting their (prospective boy and girl) working places.

I was once asked by a German colleague "Could you explain how come our Indian colleague in Alaska went to India for 3 weeks and returned with his wife whom she never met personally !"
Though it sounded strange to me as well but I defended it.
I replied " We have a different marriage system in India, that's called "Arrange Marriage" ! We firmly believe that the marriage is not about two people, its about two families who choose, plan and organize it together."
She was convinced but I was not !

2. The changing concept of Arrange Marriages - The world has changed a lot in the last decade and India is no exception. However we have not changed a lot in regard to "Arrange Marriage". Now people have frequently started using the matrimonial tools (newspapers, websites etc.) which was still a taboo a decade ago. The database on Facebook does a mediator job nowadays as it contains entire historical record of your parties, friends, exes and somehow might reflect your character. Skyping has helped people to interact more before marriages as personal meet is still difficult in India for two reasons. The first reason is that India has a big geographical extent and traveling distances is not an easy job there. The second, most pronounced, is the family intervention. Your personal visit should be approved by both the familes (boy's and girl's). Of course, a secret meeting can also be done but it might have major implications when caught.

3. The "false" concept of Love Marriages - Watch any Bollywood movie (except Rajshri productions) where the entire plot is about the struggle of "couple in love" to convince their families. So practically "Love Marriage" is not  really like the one it sounds like. The only difference is that a boy meets a girl and they flirt, convince each other, spend some time together and finally decide to spend the rest of their lives together (In Bollywood terms - "saath jeene-marne ki kasam khaate hain). The decision of spending the life together majorly include how they would convince their families, because almost every marriage needs to be arranged in India. Because Marriage is not just social certification for a couple to live together but a social demonstration of the wealth, status, reputation of the families involved. Therefore convincing families can be tricky because no matter how deeply you love, their decision is based on the points mentioned in Sections 1 and 2 (Please see above).

4. Why India* needs a "New Marriage" system  - Though I am not against how people find their life partners. After all its their choice. After being married for 6 years and spending few years in the western world (w.r.t. India) I personally feel that marriage can never be an affair of two families. Its only about two people (life partners). If the relationship is not working between the two, its simply not working. In contrast, if the two get along fine, their families are happy too. It has to be between the two, the so called "binding force". Binding force can never be the families but the love, respect, care etc. exist between the couple.
The role of the families in context of marriage is limited to organizing the wedding and some post-marriage rituals (illogical and can be igonred).    

5. What India* needs now ? - Its not that complex as it sounds. If the couple gets along, it should entirely be their decision (100%) to get married or not. Of course talking to your families and introducing your partners are fine but don't let them judge you based on conventional, illogical and stupid things mentioned in Section 1 and 2.
Most importantly you are seeking a life partner not just a sex partner ! Trust me, you have to deal a lot of things in life except sex and a life partner is the one who rescues you from difficult situations, stands by you in all ups and downs and most importantly loves you the way you are. It might sound idealistic but its realistic, after all its a matter of your life.   

Take home message - "Marry the girl (boy) you love (New Marriage System) and then you don't have to love the boy (girl) you married (Arrange Marriage).
*A significant section of India

















  

वो तकती निगाहें

बात दरहसल 2005  की हैं जब हम पहली बार एक दूसरे से रूबरू हुए थे. दिल्ली की सर्दियाँ अपने चरम पर थी. उस भागती हुई दिल्ली की रफ़्तार सुबह के वक़्त कुछ ख़ासा तेज होती थी. ऐसा लगता था मानो सब शहर छोड़ कर भाग रहे हो. वो भागती हुई गाड़िया शहर की रूहानी सुबह को तहस-नहस कर रही थी. उन सर्द हवाओं की भीनी-भीनी खुशबू धुएं के कारण महकना बंद हो गयी थी. सफ़ेद कोहरे की चादर में धुएं ने पूरी तरह सेंध मार ली थी. फिर भी शहर की आबो हवा में एक रोमांच तो था ही. दिल्ली दिल वालो की जो हैं

शायद यही वजह थी की जब मैंने उन्हें पहली बार देखा, तो मैं उन्हें अपना दिल दे बैठा. वो वसंत विहार बस स्टैंड पर खड़ी थी. इतनी भीड़ में हमारी नज़रों का मिलना तो नामुमकिन था और सच बताऊ तो उन्होंने कोशिश भी कहा की थी ! उनके लिए तो मैं अब भी एक भीड़ का हिस्सा ही था. एक जिज्ञासा तो हुई की उनसे कहूं कि क्या आप अपनी नज़रो को थोड़ा तकलीफ देंगी, जिससे कि वो हमसे मिल सके. पर इतने में उनकी बस आ गयी. मैंने आव देखा ना ताव उसी बस में चढ़ गया. उस खचाखच भरी बस में लोगों को अपने स्टैंड के आने का इंतज़ार था. लगता था की वो भीड़ नहीं रोबोट की फ़ौज हैं. पर मुझे तो इंतज़ार था हमारी नज़रों के मिलने का. 

खैर कुछ दिन यह सिलसिला यूहीं चलता रहा और एक दिन हमने उनसे कह ही दिया कि हमे आपसे मोहब्बत हैं. सुनने में थोड़ा फ़िल्मी तो लगता हैं पर इससे बहतर मुझे कुछ सूझा नहीं . मुझे इतनी अंग्रेजी तो आती थी कि 'I LOVE YOU' कह सकूं पर यह तो सब कहते हैं ना ! पहले तो उन्होंने अपनी निगाहो को हम पर टिकाया, फिर मुस्कुराई और बिना कुछ बोले चली गयी. फिर कुछ दूर जाकर पीछे मुड़ी, मुस्कुराई और बस में बैठ गयी. मेरे पैर तो जैसे जाम हो गए थे. उस दिन मैं बस में चढ़ ही नहीं सका. दौड़ती भागती भीड़ के बीच एक जगह पर खड़ा हुआ बस हिचकोले खा रहा था. वो भी किसी फिल्म के एक दृश्य (Scene) से कहा काम था !

हम भी अब दिल्ली के दिलवाले थे. यह तो सच था कि वो दिलवाली मुझे उस भीड़ में ही मिली थी अब जब भी हम साथ होते तो भीड़ जैसे अपनी निगाहें हम दोनों पर तका देती. मानो पूछ रही हो तुम क्या कर रहे हो हमारी दिलवाली के साथ. ना जाने क्या हो गया था उस भागती भीड़ को ! शहर के किसी भी कोने में वो निगाहें हमारा पीछा ही नहीं छोड़ रही थी. ना जाने क्या दिलचस्पी रही होगी उस भीड़ को हमे हर वक़्त ताकते रहने में. इस बात का अंदाजा हमे पहले क्यों नहीं हुआ. अब तो हम दोनों की निगाहें भी इसी में  बात में जुट गयी कि कौन कहा से देख रहा हैं. वो निगाहें एकाएक और चौकन्नी हो जाती थी जब मैं उनके हाथ को थाम लेता था. 

एक दिन सोचा कि इस भीड़ को चकमा देकर कहीं चलते हैं. पर जाते कहा इस 1 करोड की आबादी वाले शहर में. हर तरफ तो निगाहें टिकी हैं. क्या जरुरत हैं इस शहर को CCTV कैमरों की ! हर शाख पर कोई ताक रहा हैं.  फिर वसंत विहार पर हम दोनों का इंतज़ार करती उस भीड़ को ठेंगा दिखाकर मैंने ऑटो-रिक्शा वाले को रोका.

मैंने पूछा भैया नॉएडा चलोगे ? उसने कहा दिल्ली के ऑटो नॉएडा नहीं जाते. मैंने बचकाने अंदाज़ में कहा कि अरे दिल्ली में कहीं दूर ले चलो यार. वह मुस्कुराते हुए बोला बैठ जाओ, मैं समझ गया आपको कहा जाना हैं. पर हम दोनों नहीं समझ पाये की वो क्या समझा हैं. हम दोनों बैठे, एक दूसरे का हाथ थामा ही था कि रिक्शा चालाक ने अपनी निगाहें हम पर टिका ली. आसान था उसके लिए सिर्फ अपने Front Mirror को adjust ही तो करना था. हमने 50 रुपये दिए और उतर गए. 

अब कहा जाए ? मैं उसके घर जा नहीं सकता और वो मेरे घर आ नहीं सकती। घर वालो को पड़ोसियों की तकती निगाहों को जवाब जो देना था वो कौन थी/था जो आपके घर आया/यी था/थी. जवाब न देने की सूरत में एक सीधी सच्ची मोहब्बत को शक के दायरे में ला दिया जाता. क्यूंकि एक हमउम्र लड़की या तो बहिन होगी या फिर शादी के बाद बीवी. समाज ने उस रिश्ते को कोई नाम भी तो नहीं दिया हुआ हैं, यही शक की बुनियाद हैं.
सोचा की चलो किसी गार्डन में चले. वहा जाकर तो ऐसा लगा कि लिखा हो 'Sit at your Risk ' क्यूंकि या तो कुछ देर में हमे वहाँ आकर पुलिस पीट देगी या फिर कोई सी सेना आकर पहले पीटेगी, फिर राखी बँधवाएगी या शुद्दिकरण कर देगी हमारा. वीडियो बनाकर सारे दिन न्यूज़ चैनलों की खबर बनते रहेंगे वो अलग से. 
होटल में कमरे लेने की सोचना भी पाप था. फिर ख़याल आया की क्यों न राम गोपाल वर्मा की कोई फिल्म देखने चले. वहा कोई होगा भी नहीं और सुकून भी पूरा रहेगा. ऐसा ही हुआ हमारे जैसे कुछ युगलों (Couples) को छोड़कर वहा कोई नहीं था. और वहाँ मौजूद किसी की मंशा फिल्म देखने की थी भी नहीं. वह उस अँधेरे में कम से कम ये तो यकीन कर सकते थे की कोई तकती निगाहें यहाँ नहीं होंगी.  

"Shaadi" - The Format of Typical Indian Arrange Marriage

They say "Marriages are made in Heaven" but there is a format to make it happen on Indian soil. Since my teenage times, I was very skeptical about the typical format of Indian Arrange Marriages. My parents, folks of their generation, even most of my cousins and friends used this standard format to find their life-partners.

Here, I am going to explain in detail about the format, which I observed closely.

FORMAT OF AN INDIAN ARRANGE MARRIAGE

1) AGE THRESHOLD - I can simply generalize the Indian Middle Class mindset in the context of arrange marriages. To get married, the boys need to find a job and the girls simply pass their time. Liberal parents allow their daughters to study to pass this long time. The boys have to get a conventional job, which society considers a preferable job, for eg. Software Engineer, Chartered Accountant etc. Other innovative career preferences are BIG NO. The girls, on other hand, may opt fashion design, interior design and home science to pass their time. The threshold for girls is 24 years but the society is lenient for boys, its 28 years. If someone crosses this age limit, that person is talk of the town. Discussing the possible causes for the delay and matchmaking suggestions are majorly talked. Parents, their extended families, friends and even neighbours are the panel of discussing these issues, as if this is more important than climate change.

2) INTRODUCING MEDIATOR - The panel uses it's connections in the society and spreads the news like a fire in the forest. Soon, its a conference topic in every social gathering. Here, a prospective mediator is found. The mediators' sole job is to matchmake based on the spreading news from different panels related to varied boys and girls. In the matchmaking process, the mediator has to closely evaluate the behaviors of the families, job of the boy (annual salary package), beauty (fairness and slimness) of the girl, their ages above threshold and other parameters. Most importantly how much MONEY** boy's family expects and how much girl's family is capable of. The mediator has to make a call to concern families that fit above parameters and offer his matchmaking idea. The mediator is in/directly known to both the families. In short, he is the free version of SHAADI.COM. 

3) EXCHANGING PHOTO-BIODATA & GAN MILAN - The mediator sends at least 2 photos (1 close-up and 1 wide shot) and biodata of the girl to boy's family. These pictures are shot by a professional photographer. He cleanses all sort of face spots in the resulting pictures. In the girl's biodata, fair and slim are highlighted whereas in case of boy's biodata, annual salary package is underlined. Initially, the similarity of astrological parameters (GAN) are evaluated. 18 GAN out of 36 must be matched for a happy and unproblematic married life of the duo. The vital attributes fairness and slimness are further crosschecked in the photos and examined through round of discussions by family members. The boy's annual salary is down-scaled to monthly income for much clarity among old people. The (pseudo)experts in girl's family even estimate boy's probable savings after subtracting the expenses based on the city, he lives in.

4) FIRST MEETING -  When the families agree to proceed, the mediator organizes the first meeting. The boy's family visits others. The group includes boy, his parents, his siblings,  jiyaji (brother-in-law) or fufafji (father's brother-in-law), if any, and some other unwanted people. The old people, just after introduction, try hard to find family connections among each other. The young siblings feel privileged to be there and the kids grab the served eatables like never eaten before. The boy's eyes look for the girl's appearance which may happen from any direction. As the girl arrives, most brains stimulate to compare the photos, sent earlier, with reality. They exchange fake smiles, ask useless questions and waste a lot of precious time. Then a smart lady in the middle of overly dressed group of women appear and offer boy-girl private meeting. The old people frown in collusion, the mid-aged people get embarrassed but show off their readiness because it has to come sooner or later.

Nobody still approves till the other lady gives her conset "Why not ?" and orders a young girl to join the boy and girl. We call it private.

Before the girl gets comfortable with this unknown boy who starts to first ask usual questions like "What are your hobbies?" , "Would you like to work after marriage?", someone knocks the door.

She excitedly says "Are you guys talking all now ? Let somethings remain for post-marriage. The uncle is calling you now."

They have no choice but to stop that "so-called private meeting". After more time being wasted by the group of families, the invited family has to leave. The final decision leaves pending from both sides. The girl's family anxiously awaits the telephonic call from boy's family.

5) ENGAGEMENT to MARRIAGE (Golden Period) - An engagement and marriage dates are decided with mutual consensus. The families frequently visit each other to organize such big social events. The gifts are exchanged. But there is hardly anyone who thinks of boy-girl meetings during the "so-called golden period". This time can be used to understand each other.

The old people have a opinion about the meeting. They question "Why to meet frequently ? You are anyway going to spend the entire life together." 

But that's the point, you hardly know the person before spending the entire life.

The middle-aged people say" This freshness of the relationship works well to tie the bond after marriage. The more you know before, the more conflicts you have. That may break-up the relationship before marriage, which is dangerous for the boy/girl and their families." 

But that makes no sense, why one has to keep the relationship even it doesn't fit !

There is only one way. Secret Meetings ! The couple have to be courageous to meet secretly. That needs a lot of lies, planning and efforts. 

6) MARRIAGE DAY - This is the day where parents spend all their saved/borrowed money to demonstrate their societal status. The bride's parents have to put additional money to meet the demands** of groom's family. Approximately 1000 people are invited where 90% of invitees are only interested in food. It's a great deal for the people. By handing over the gift of 150 Rs, the entire family can have unlimited food of worth 1000 Rs. Other than commenting on food and other arrangements, men tend to estimate the budget of the marriage. Women are interested in what bride brings** from her home. As none of such things matter to them, but they do it for passing the time. They are queued for being photographed with the wedding couple. The couple has to continue smiling for approx 2 hours while being photographed with the guests. When every guest eats and leaves the place like a garbage-land, here the wedding couple has an opportunity to eat. In the midnight, they have to listen to 7 promises of the marriage, read by the priest. While all married couple are laughing at those promises, the clueless wedding couple awaits more to get this all over.

FINALLY THE GAME IS OVER & NO ONE WINS

** Dowry - The money (Organizing the party, Expensive Gifts, Even Cash or Property) which bride's family has to give to groom's family. 

My Girlfriend's Marriage

Background:- I almost spent my teenage in those old government colonies built in the outskirts of the city. My father worked with Indian Railways. I always wondered who designed Indian trains and such colonies probably the same guy as one could hardly differentiate such government quarters and train bogies. Those quarters included a vast coverage of bare land at the front of the house, which you're supposed to convert into a beautiful kitchen garden otherwise wild bushes would grow up and extensively be used by snakes and other dangerous reptiles to hide. In addition, the shared stairs with your neighbours to reach the gigantic roof from a huge common backyard were at the stake of privacy. The living space was hardly 20 % of the entire constellation. The toilet was of course outside the house. 

It was of no motivation to live there till I saw her first time. That day, my mother sent me to place wet Papads (home made Indian snacks) on the roof. You can't deny your mother for any nature of work at home because of her threat of complaining it to my already angry, tired and frustrated father from work every evening. 

I ascended the stairs holding those Papads as she was descending gently. I smiled and said "Hi" for which she replied with a cute smile. In today's times, it is just a great start, but for a small town boy from a hindi medium boy's school in 1995, it was too much to digest. I rushed to see her father's name plate to check which caste she comes from. She belonged to Brahmin (Priest) and I was Baniye (Business). Though I was hardly aware of the hierarchy of Indian caste system but it seemed to be not that difficult to arrange this marriage. That night I made a concrete plan of how to proceed further. The ultimate goal was to get married to her. 

Some Intermediate Explanation:- (Who thinks of marriage at the age of 16 ? You are right ! No one does now. But what else you expect from the times of 1995 in a small town ? You can't meet girls because you study in the government hindi medium schools and school administration either makes two separate shifts for boys and girls or if you are a bit lucky, the girls can study in your shift but definitely in a separate section. The younger girls in your neighbourhood call your Bhaiya (Brother) and you have to address Didi (Sister) to every elder girl you meet. Even then you get a girl, you can't date her because of CCE (Close Circuited Eyes) all around the town. There, everyone knows somebody who knows someone in your family. This chain can spread anything. Difficult times ! ) 

Next day, I returned from the school and saw her entering my house with a fat woman. I hesitated to step ahead. It took me 15 minutes to enter my own house. 

"Son, she is Sharma aunty and her daughter Neha. They are our first neighbours. Neha didi is studying in BA I year." My mother introduced. 

Oh damn ! Neha didi ? Why should I call her didi ? Why did I enter my house that day ? I cursed Indian pledge that says "All Indians are my brothers and sisters, though I never uttered that line in my entire life. I decided not to call her didi. 

There was no sign of hope till she came to me and asked " Which class do you study?" 

Was it real ? Was she talking to me ? I replied " Class XI, Science Maths". I was overexcited hence over-answered. She smiled and left. 

In the next months, we exchanged some more smiles and short messages. Thanks to 1980's hindi movies that enlightened us with an idea of hiding messages in the books and exchanging books were no crime. I even exchanged a rose on her birthday. In return gift, I expected her to say "I love you". 

With her continuous denials and my constant efforts, she agreed to say "I love you". But the question was where to say it ? I had an idea. It was a fool proof plan. 

I sent a message " You have to give single tone missed call on our landline phone when there is no one around at your home. If I send back the same single tone missed call, it's safe to call me." 

We were not privileged with mobile phones. 

After consistent trials, we managed to get a green zone. Her mother was sitting with my mother in our common backyard. 

She rang and said "I love you. Now happy ?" She hung up the phone. 

I was on top of the world. My mother called me and asked " Whose phone was that ?" 

I replied anxiously " It was a blank call" 

My mother annoyingly said to Neha's mother " Bhabhiji, we are getting too much blank calls these days." 

Her mother agreed " Hmmm. We too bhabhiji." 

Both cursed the blank callers and BSNL. I escaped the place.

It took me another several months to convince her to kiss me. She sent a message " You meant on hand na ?" 

I replied "Kisses are always on lips. Understood ?" 

My father got a transfer letter few days later.

I directed her "If you love me, you have to kiss me before I leave the city. Otherwise this love story ends now." 

She agreed after several refusals. It was the night before we planned to leave the city with our stuff. I kissed her on the common roof. With tears in her eyes, she left immediately. My lips, tongue and throat got dried. My heart started beating beyond the danger zone. I was called downstairs. I wasn't in my control. We left.

3 years later .........................

We received her wedding card. Neha weds Banwari Lal Sharma. Though my parents ignored the invitation, I was determined to attend the wedding. I reached there. Our eyes met. She ignored. 

Her uncle asked me " Son, your parents didn't come ? But it's good you are here to attend your sister's marriage. Now you have to work a lot in next two days." 

I passed a fake smile showing my disagreeing agreement. 

He continued " Son, could you arrange the chairs first and then serve Thandai  (Indian beverage) to Baraatis (Groom's family) and most importantly to your jiyaji. They are staying in the guest house." 

I agreed with a fake smile. I met the groom and cursed Neha's decision to marry a fat guy. 

I worked like a wedding sister's brother. It was a general impression among Baraatis that I was among the main brothers of the bride. That's the reason I skipped the Fera Rasm (Important Ritual of Indian marriage), because they would have forced  me to pursue Kanyadaan (Important Ritual of Fera Rasm which brother of the bride performs) of my first love. It would have been too much.

I wished her good luck and left.  

I never dared to visit her later in life. Probably if I had visited her, her kids would have called me "Mama"(Maternal Uncle). I couldn't have handled it. 

  

   

 

     

She is from Delhi

The first day in college might sound exciting for others but I was nervous for known reasons. More than a fear of being ragged by the seniors, I was quite anxious about giving self-introduction in English during the orientation session of the new batch. Being a throughout Hindi medium scholar and yet to be called upon the stage at 2nd place, because of my name (Aaditya), were quite the reasons of being highly strung. I cursed my grandfather of giving that name to me.

It was a hot day of July. I wore a formal shirt, pants and polished shoes (Probably the first time I polished my shoes.)  I had to change 3 city buses to get there. I was sweating like hell. Being nervous, profusely sweated and worn formal outfits easily classified me as a I year undergraduate. This caught the attention of a group of 3 boys in the last city bus of the journey.
One of them shouted " Oye, idhar aa (Hey, come here) ! I year ? "
I stammered " Yeee....s"

The threesome enjoyed their success of making me more nervous by their senior undergraduate status.
The second boy shouted "Sight your eyes at the third button of the shirt. Chal intro de ab ! (Give your Introduction)"
They altered my introduction, which I mugged up for the orientation session, several times. It took me 30 minutes to get introduced as per their version. I was relieved at the end.

I rushed to the entrance of the auditorium but was stopped and scolded by a very tall person." You are late even on the first day of the college." He taunted.
I responded " I am extremely sorry sir, my bus was late." I somehow made the most general excuse.
He whispered " Burdens on Society" and passed a very bad look to me while I was entering the fully packed auditorium.

Though I was late, my seat at the 2nd position of the first row was reserved. I thanked my grandfather. The flower bouquets were being exchanged at the stage while I was taking my seat. My neighboring fellows passed "Good for Nothing" looks to me in exchange of my smile.

Just after the boring speech of a non-understandable old person sitting on the podium, a girl took over the mike and started addressing us.
She looked very beautiful in a pink saree. Her straight hair elegantly outlined her shining face. I couldn't sense anyone's presence except her. I was totally lost in her. It was my first love at first sight. It seemed like she was calling me to her.

Then somebody shook me " Bro, your name is being called at the stage"

I quickly got back to the reality and rushed to the dais. I spoke into the mike. I mixed my mugged up version with the one imposed by the seniors. Somehow I finished it but very imperfectly.

Later that day, I met one of my school-mate, namely Paresh, who also got admission in the college.
" Bro, I guess I am in love" I shared my recently developed emotions.
" Yaar, tu toh killer nikla. Pehle din hi setting kar li." (Hard to translate this overexcited expression) 
"Nah bro ! It was love at first sight. You remember that girl speaking at the podium ?" I demystified the secret.

He furiously responded " Are you crazy or what ? She is from Delhi. You are from Jalore, not known small town of Rajasthan. Her father is a CEO of MNC and yours a clerk in Marudhara Rajasthan Gramin Bank. Did you listen to her speaking fluent English that too in English Accent ?  I heard your introduction, you could hardly complete a sentence. She is in II year. I heard that almost every boy of her batch having the same status tried on her. Love at first sight !" After the descriptive analogy, he passed "You are an Idiot" look to me.

But I refused to give up. "I agree the differences but I secured top 100 Rank in State Engineering Entrance Exams and the college discounted 25% of the fees. Can't my good academic background attract her ?"     
"What ! 25 % discount ? You know, she paid 250 times of the fees as donation. It doesn't matter for her. " He discarded my positive point. "Anyway how do you come to college ? How much is your pocket money ?"He asked these questions, which according to him preliminary to even think of approaching her. 

"I come by city bus. I get 500 Rs out of which 300 I spent to buy the monthly city pass, so technically I have only 200 Rs as spare money." I honestly answered.

He again lost his temper "Man, you are totally crazy. 200 Rs is her daily canteen expenditures. You can't afford her. We small town boys never get girlfriends in the college. We never fulfill 1%  of the criteria.We are destined to do arrange marriage."

Then a boy, namely Rishi, from the same town interrupted us "Hey Paresh, what are you guys talking about ? "
Paresh made fun of me " Bhai ko pyaar ho gaya hain (He is in love) !"
Rishi curiously asked "Who?"
"Sonali, II year" Paresh fired the one liner.
" Bro, it's not your mistake. Almost half of the college love her. But we can't deserve her. She is from Delhi and you know what I mean."
 Paresh interrupted " Yeah, I explained him"
Rishi continued " Good. I have also heard that she does already have a boyfriend. He usually comes here over the weekend with his luxurious BMW car and they disappear for 2 days." Rishi enlightened us.

My first love story ended within 24 hours.

Disclaimer: "She is from Delhi" is used as a phrase to define the social (status) gap of a boy and girl. You know what I mean :P