The Desires of a "Small Town Boy"

I was born and brought up in a very small city of Rajasthan, India. I had a strict mother, a busy father and 4 years elder sister. My mother never allowed us to play more than 1 hour and watch TV except on Sundays. My father, on the other hand, never cared that much. The drawing room of the government allotted house had fulfilled the purpose of our sleeping-cum-studying room. But in case of visitors staying overnight, it quite often sacrificed as a guest room. The room showed the ever adjusting nature of an Indian middle class.

My mother used to watch daily soaps as much as she could do. The sudden ups and downs of the magnitude of the voice, referring to the crucial moments of the TV serials, made us to draw our own stories. If the dinner coincided with those TV programs, we could cross-verify our innovative stories with the actual ones. It's hard to imagine now that TV was hardly switched off the whole day.

The years had passed in a similar way. Over the years, my mother limited her responsibilities up to asking the same question after every exam; "How was the exam?" My father was only aware of which class I was studying. They, undoubtedly, became active at the results. My sister was always appreciated by them, but I was quite a disappointment for them.
I loved to play cricket but never allowed to play after class IX. They said " There exists a lot of competition and playing in Indian Cricket is an impossible task so why to waste time playing it. Just concentrate on your studies." I never understood why playing cricket was all about getting selected in the Indian Cricket Team.

Anyway life moved on, I reached the class X. The year when all your family members, friends of your parents and neighbours become super-active as if this is as important as selecting the Prime Ministerial candidate for the country. All vague ideas of studying more than 15 hours, A BIG NO to play, movies and social gatherings. They offered the logic of focusing those crucial years (X-XI-XII class) to have a great life ahead full of luxuries. I wondered why, then, not a single person around me had all the luxuries even after they would have sacrificed their crucial years.

I was in a good school but supplementing your school education with famous private tutors in the city was a trend you could not ignore. Science, Maths and English were more privileged subjects for getting extra classes. Life was limited to school, extra classes, tuitions and self-studies in the drawing room, next to my mother's theater.

One fine day after my X class exams, I spent the whole day playing cricket. My busy-turned-into-super-active father was waiting at the door.
He asked in an angry tone "Desire fulfilled ?" He continued " Guptaji's son has already gone to Kota. He is doing IIT there. "
My mother interrupted " What is IIT ? Never heard this term before !" I didn't know about it either." My father ignored her question" Arey, our prince doesn't even know about it and others have started doing it. I have decided that you will start your tuitions from tomorrow on. No more playing."

The best thing about government houses that your neighbours keep on changing. I was leaving my home at 5:00 AM when I first saw her playing badminton with her brother. Our eyes met but I had to leave. So the whole day, I ignored unimplementable mathematical equations, never seeable atomic level chemical equations and  unachievable speed of light, and thought of coming back to home and see her again.  Back home, she was already there with her mother.  I was anxious. My mother introduced me with them.
She said " This is Mrs. Sharma, our new neighbour, and her daughter Smriti. Smriti didi will be didi's college." Oh crap !! I was collapsed to the core.  Nothing was worse than calling your first crush "Didi (Sister)" 

I studied in a boy's (UniSex) school. The private tutors made two separate batches for boys & girls. The timings of the batches were also separated by 12 hours. Though it was very unlikely in a small town that a girl gets into the Science-Maths stream. Most families of the girls were obsessed for Arts. They could limit their girls to go out to the maximum. Arts students had the privilege not to attend regular classes. Tuitions were not needed either or unavailable too.
In this era, after a long time, I saw a beautiful girl. She was like an alien flower in the drought. I was not sure of whether my mother did it intentionally or she didn't care of my teenage fantasies.

I was supposed to drop my 4 years elder sister to evening classes and get her back safely. I couldn' t understand why I got that task from my parents. Was I considered to be strong enough to fight rapists, eve-teasers or bad boys or was my sister frail to defend her? I was always talked about my future education despite my love for cricket. My sister, on other hand, was talked about her marriage, ignoring her interest for higher education.

I wanted to get along with my first crush. I wanted to drop out after school. I wanted to play cricket all my life. I wanted my sister to live freely without restrictions. I never dared to question my parents and the society by whom I was driven. I was never answered.